Here is a good challenge for you to do since it’s Saturday and it’s meant to rain all weekend (at least in NYC it is.) (and if you’re anything like me, you love impromptu challenges.)
First I will start with a couple of questions:
1. How many people do you have in your life?
2. Have you ever evaluated your relationship with these people?
Now comes the “challenge” part:
Please write down a list of the top 10 people that are in your life right now.
(You know, the ones that come right to mind when you think of them. Could be co-workers, employees, partners, family members, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, anyone and everyone that you come into contact with on a regular basis.)
On the same piece of paper (maybe on the back), create 2 columns.
On the left, write “Inspire” and on the right, write “Deplete”.
When I say “Inspire”, I mean people who love life, who have the confidence you’ve always wanted, who have the relationships you admire, people you admire for their compassion or abilities, who are achieving amazing things in their lives, and people who really support and care about you. You generally feel a bounce in your step when you are done spending time with them.
When I say “Deplete”, I mean people who make you feel bad, or those who have a negative energy (think perma-frown), those who simply don’t challenge you or add any value to your life, or the ones who make you feel insecure, guilty, unsuccessful, deflated or small. You rarely laugh hard around them and they rarely ask you about you. You also generally feel anxious, tired or down after spending time with them.
I took a hard look at my list of people I come into contact with over the years and in doing this, I started observing how I FEEL after I spend time with people. That’s when everything changed for me. I decided to only spend time with and work with people who challenge me to be better, make me feel strong, lifts me up, and makes me more confident in my abilities. I wasn’t looking for people to walk all over, just people who influenced me in a good way and who left me with a glow after spending time with them.
You want your life to be an inspiring one, not a boring, or insecure one. Certainly, not a life with people getting wasted on weekends and one that doesn’t add any value to humanity and society (whatever “society” is in its ever-changing form). You don’t want to be around people talking shit about others (because all that means is that they’re insecure about themselves.) You want to be around people who share uplifting stories and who are eternally hopeful.
Once you make the list of people who “Inspire” you and “Deplete” you, all you need to do is eliminate the ones on the “Deplete” side.
I am not saying that it’s going to be easy in the short term and it may take you some time to get there, but in the long term, this is the only way you will make space for good energy in your life.
You may start with zero people on your “Inspire” side. That’s ok too! As soon as you clean house, you will start to attract the people you are looking for in your life.
Join clubs of things you are interested in (sports, dance, sewing, book club, whatever you love doing!). All of the people who poo poo’ed your favorite things will no longer be around anyway. Take classes. Volunteer. Do an internship for fun of something you really like where you know you’ll enjoy the people.
Now ask yourself:
Who are 5 people who you know (even if acquaintances) who inspire you to do what you love, to be better, and who make you feel most alive when around them? Write their names down and start nurturing those relationships.
Would love to hear your stories!